Live Your Best Life!

If you are reading this, you are likely someone with goals who wants to improve their life in some way. One thing I’ve noticed with goals is that many people spend a lot of time thinking about them, dreaming about them, and mapping them out…and then never achieve them. Believe me, I have been there many times my friend. Why is this a common experience for so many of us?

It is because dreaming and doing are two very different experiences. Thinking about your goals and what you want in your future is exciting, energizing, and can bring about a lot of hope surrounding what is possible. These are all feelings you want to experience, and therefore thinking about your goals is reinforced by the positive feelings you experience when you do this. On the other hand, doing what it takes to achieve your goals, especially if they will stretch you or challenge you, can be uncomfortable and create feelings of uncertainty. While pushing yourself to achieve your goals, you may question yourself, e...

Social connection has been shown to lower anxiety and depression, improve physical health, improve day-to-day performance and quality of life, improve our immune systems, and help us live longer. Not being able to spend time with others had significant negative effects for many people during the pandemic since, for most of us, we are inherently social beings. What is important to consider when thinking about how socially connected you are is not the number of people you are connected to, but the quality of those relationships.

In assessing whether you have meaning social connections, ask yourself the following questions:

• Do I have people I can confide in?
• Do I show up as my authentic self in my relationships?
• Do I have people who I can rely on when I am having a hard time?
• Do I have people who I really know and who are honest with me about the ups and downs in their lives?
• When I am spending time with others, are we fully present with one another?

I like these question...

Why is it that some people are optimistic and assume things will work out or turn out well, while other people are mostly pessimistic and focus on all the possible negative outcomes? It has to do with how our brains are wired. Based on human nature, we are wired to focus more on the negative things. That is because they typically bring about “negative” emotions and human nature is to want to avoid these negative emotions. Because of this, our primitive brains think that if they keep us focusing on past negative things, or potential negative things, then we can somehow protect ourselves from them, however, as you and I both know…this often just leaves us feeling bad anticipating negative things that will likely never happen

People who are optimistic choose to be that way. It may be easier for them because they have some real-life experiences that have gone well for them which help them consider more positive things happening in the future, however, they are choosing to direct their a...

As humans, we can operate like a pressure cooker with anxiety, worry, and stress building slowly throughout the day or throughout our week without us really knowing it is happening…until we reach our metaphorical boiling point. A pressure cooker is a sealed chamber that builds up high steam pressure inside. As the steam builds, the pressure increases, and pushes the temperature of boiling water above 212 degrees Fahrenheit which results in food cooking faster. Do you ever feel like you are pushed beyond your limits of anxiety, worry, or stress and therefore react to things faster or with more intensity than you would otherwise?

If so, you are not alone. You start your day with your stress and anxiety levels at a certain point. They may be very low, or they could be high without you even noticing it. As the day progresses, things can happen that continue to fuel your stress and anxiety and again, you may not even notice that it is happening. You may also not notice how much impact i...

Your mind is the most powerful resource you have. It is your best business tool, relationship tool, parenting tool, emotional well-being tool, and overall life satisfaction tool. What you think about matters…A LOT. Some research indicates that you have over 60,000 thoughts per day so there is no way you can be aware of all that is happening in your mind. You have many automatic thoughts such as, reminders for how to breath, digest food, brush your teeth, walk, drive your car, and other daily, basic tasks. You also have the obvious conscious thoughts such as thoughts related to what you are doing in the present moment, reminders to get certain tasks done, thoughts about how you will manage your time each day, thoughts about when you will eat each day, etc. You also have thousands of unconscious thoughts that play in the background of your mind all day long.

These unconscious thoughts are related to what you think about yourself, your abilities, your confidence, and your overall self...

Do you tend to see and focus on the negative aspects of a situation? “Disqualifying the positive” is what is referred to as a thought distortion, or a cognitive distortion. What this means is that your brain observes a situation and filters in the negative aspects of the situation and ignores, or discounts any of the positive aspects of the situation. If you are someone who experiences this, you are not alone. Our brains have what is called a “negativity bias” which causes them to highlight the negative things around us, while bypassing positive things. 

The reason it does this is because, typically when you are experiencing negative things, you also experience negative emotions. This can raise an alarm with your brain because with negative emotions comes discomfort. Your brain does not want you to experience this discomfort, and it thinks that if it continues to focus on the negative thing that somehow it can prevent it from happening again and therefore avoid future discomfort. Ho...

Why is it that some people keep going and keep working towards their goal, even when things are challenging, and others give up? Many people attribute this to motivation which does play a role, however, as a motivation expert, I can tell you that motivation alone won’t cut it. Motivation is defined as, “the general desire or willingness of someone to do something”. Being really clear about “why” you want to achieve something is tied to motivation, however, when you are working towards a goal and things get challenging, it can be very easy for motivation to decrease. Your desire to keep going is challenged when things get uncomfortable because it is human nature to want to stay in your comfort zone. 

Drive, on the other hand, is easier to sustain and can help you power through when things get hard. The definition of drive is, “an innate, biologically determined urge to attain a goal or satisfy a need”. While motivation taps into your “why” for doing something, drive taps into an even...

Many people are great at figuring out what they want to achieve and mapping out their days, weeks, or months so that they can get done what they want to. The problem comes when the days, weeks, or months go by and there has not been much movement towards what they wanted to get done. They tell themselves something is important and that they want to get something done, however, they end up feeling unproductive and like they are not making progress.

Can you relate to this, at least on some level? You said you were going to make ten calls to potential customers at work, and you only made five. You said you were going to workout 5 days this week, and you only worked out twice. You said you were going to finish your project a day ahead of its due date, and you didn’t get it done until the last minute. You said you were going to organize your closet, but it is a month later and it is not done. You said you were going to make a budget and get on track with your finances, however, another y...

A pressure cooker is a sealed chamber that traps the steam generated as its contents are heated. As steam builds, the pressure increases, until the boiling point of water is above 212°F.”

As humans, metaphorically, we can function like pressure cookers too. We start our day with our stress or anxiety level at a certain point, however, things can happen throughout the day that continue to fuel our stress and anxiety. If the stress or anxiety continues to build, we hit a “boiling point”. It is often too late before we notice that we are almost at our boiling point, which can make it much harder to bring our stress and anxiety back down. In addition, once we hit that boiling point, we sometimes say or do things that we regret, which increases our stress and anxiety even more. 

We have over 60,000 thoughts per day, so there is no way we can be consciously monitoring all of the thoughts we are having in response to what is happening throughout our days. Because of this, it is helpful...

Do you have a “not to do” list? If you don’t, you should consider it! A “not to do" list is a list of things you are trying not to do at all, or not to do at certain times of your day / week, so that you are freed up to focus on other things. We all live in a world where there is a finite amount of time yet it seems like some people are higher achievers, get more done, or seem to have more time for fun and relaxation. Why is that when we all have the same twenty-four hours in our day?

I don’t believe that everyone who seems to be getting the results they want in their life is grinding it out each day, not sleeping, or that they have superhuman powers. I believe the reason is that they have clarity and prioritize what they want to get out of each day, week, month, and year. They are saying “yes” to the things they want more of in their lives and saying “no” to the things that don’t move them towards what they truly want. If this is true, the first thing you need to do is to ask yours...