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Change Your Thinking so that it Works for You, Not Against You

Jul 27, 2021

Do you know that your brain will believe what it is thinking, whether it is true or not? The bad news with this is, if you don’t examine and challenge your thoughts, you will believe whatever you are thinking, regardless of whether it is actually true. If you are thinking negative thoughts about who you are, or what you are capable of, your thinking can hold you back significantly. The good news is, if you learn how to notice your thoughts, you can challenge them and choose thoughts that serve you better.


Your brain will naturally remember the things that are repeated the most which means, if you want to think better thoughts, you need to be intentional about repeating them over and over. It takes some effort but isn’t it worth it? If you can learn how to manage your thinking, this will help you for the rest of your life so I will ask again, isn’t it worth it?


If you have some negative thinking patterns that have been present for a long time, it will require some intention to change them, however, you can change them much faster than you think. For example, if you received messages growing up that you did not fit in because other people excluded you or treated you poorly, you may have internalized these messages. What likely happened is, unless you looked for evidence that proved otherwise, you took the messages that you heard from others and internalized them. When this happens, these messages are stored in your brain as facts (regardless of whether they are true or not), and even more problematic, your brain then looks for more evidence that can support them in any way possible. It will remind you of the one time you were at a work dinner, and it did not feel like the conversation flowed easily. It will remind you of the one time that people got together, and you were not invited. It will remind you of all the times you posted on social media and received very little engagement.


In this example, if your brain was so focused on finding evidence to support the “fact” that you don’t fit in, it won’t highlight and store evidence to the contrary. It will gloss over the fact that people always look for your feedback in meetings. It will skip over the girls weekend you go on every year. It will downplay the hours of dancing and fun you had with friends at a wedding, and it will ignore all the birthday wishes you received on social media last year.


Why does this happen? It happens because your brain has played the narrative “you don’t fit in” more than it has played the narrative that you are someone that people want to spend time with. Because the “you don’t fit in” narrative is louder, it wins. Your brain believes it and will find evidence to make it an even stronger narrative. While this is unfortunate, it is something you can change, starting right now by following the step-by-step process below. To further support you with this process, download the Process for Changing your Unhelpful Thinking Patterns Worksheet which will walk you through this process in detail so that you can make your thinking work for you, instead of against you moving forward. You can get it HERE.


Process for changing your unhelpful thinking patterns.

  • Write out something that you tell yourself, about yourself that is not helpful.


  • Take some time and consider where this narrative came from. Who told you this? What happened that made you think this?


  • What things have happened over the years that have reinforced this narrative?


  • How does this narrative make you feel?


  • How does this narrative impact the way you live your life?


  • How do you wish it would be instead?


  • In order for it to be different, what would you need to think on a regular basis? Write this down in a place where you are reminded of it multiple times per day.


  • Every day or every week, take time to consider evidence that supports your new thinking.  Remember, the thoughts your brain hears the most win by becoming the default thinking pattern so until this happens, you must intentionally repeat them and remind yourself of them.


You can follow this process over and over to undo any thinking patterns that are holding you back. Get the Process for Changing your Unhelpful Thinking Patterns Worksheet HERE so that you have it on hand when you are ready to tackle your next, problematic thought pattern. When you change your thoughts, you literally change your life…and you my friend…are worth it.


Live your best boss lady life.

~ Karen

Karen Vincent Solutions

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