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Own Your Life...Both the Good and the Bad.

May 31, 2021

Have you ever met someone who blames other people or their circumstances when things are not going well in their lives? Perhaps this is you. I know I have been there! It can be easy to tell ourselves that if only the circumstances were different, or if only someone else acted differently, that we would be better off. The reality is that although this may appear to be true, it is usually not the case.


Think about it...when we blame circumstances or other people, we are giving away our power. We are essentially telling ourselves that making our situation better is out of our control and that we are at the mercy of other people or external events. Before going further, I want to make sure that you don’t misunderstand what I am saying. I know that there may be circumstances or people in your life that can be incredibly challenging. I know that there is illness, financial hardship, mean bosses, hurtful family members, and a thousand other things that could be dealing with that are external to you and that may feel like they are out of your control. However, you probably have more control than you may think.


Even when you face challenging external circumstances, you can decide to take control of the things that you can control, instead of using them as an excuse to stop trying. When you recognize this, you will feel empowered, and you will likely be able to make your situation better. Even if you can make things 5% better…that is still 5% which is quite a bit more than 0%. Taking any little bit of control will make a difference.


4 steps you can take if you are wanting to take more control of your circumstances, even when they are putting you to the test.


  • Control your mindset. Your mindset is ALWAYS within your control if you are intentional about it. You can consciously choose how you want to think about a situation and as a result, how you want to feel about a situation. Think about something challenging that you are experiencing in your life right now and how it makes you feel. Next, consider if there is another way you could think about that same situation that would help you feel even 5% better? Take your time and really think about this…it’s a game changer.


  • Limit your exposure to negative people. If you are struggling with a person who you find challenging, ask yourself how you can limit your exposure to them. Can you avoid them or significantly reduce the number of interactions you have with them? If not, can you limit the amount of “airtime” you give to them when you are not actually interacting with them. If it is a boss or a co-worker, do you spend time outside of work thinking about all the things you don’t like about them or complaining about them to other people? If so, you are allowing them to consume your free time, in addition to your work time. Instead of doing this, decide that you will not allow them to interfere with your personal life and focus on the positive aspects of time not at work, rather than on the negative aspects of your work during your personal time.


  • Find the positive, despite the negative. This one can be challenging but it matters. It is inevitable that we will all experience negative situations in our lives, and that these situations will bring up challenging emotions which you should allow yourself to feel and process through. What sometimes happens, however, is that we become “stuck” in the negative situation and fail to see any of the positive things that may be happening as well. Even if they are small, seemingly insignificant things, try to look for the positive things, even during the hard times.


  • Give yourself credit for progress made. Too often we will focus on all the ways we have “failed” or on the things we don’t like about ourselves. If you allow yourself to do this ongoing, it will impact your self-confidence, your self-esteem, and your willingness to push yourself to become a better version of yourself. Maybe you are trying to lose weight and you lost 10 pounds and then gained it all back. Instead of beating yourself up for gaining back the weight, remind yourself that you lost 10 pounds which means you can do it again if you put your mind to it. Instead of focusing on all the things that did not go well at work this week, remind yourself of something that went well each day. If you are trying to improve your relationship with your partner, instead of focusing on the disagreement you got into recently, remind yourself of the positive moments you have had recently. You will do more of what you focus on, so focus on the progress made, and you will see more of it.


If you want to read more about increasing your personal power of situations you can check out my blog, Blaming “Life” is a Powerless Place to Live HERE. You have more control than you may know!


If you want to join a positive community of women supporting women, you can join my Live Your Best Boss Lady Life Facebook Group HERE.


Live your best boss lady life!

~ Karen

Karen Vincent Solutions

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