Do you find that you sometimes look at other women and wish that you had the life they are living? Do you sometimes wish that you had the resources they have, or the career they have, or the body they have? If so, you are doing what so many of us do both consciously and unconsciously. We compare ourselves to others and then beat ourselves up for not measuring up. We compare ourselves to others and become resentful of them. We compare ourselves to others and then find even more faults within ourselves. I am here to tell all of us who fall into this behavior pattern that we need to stop.
Instead of looking at someone else and then being highly self-critical, telling yourself that you are not “enough”, or feeling bad about yourself, use them as an inspiration for what is possible. When you look at someone else who is doing something or has something that you wish you had, study them, identify what things may have helped them get to where they are now, and use this valuable information to move you closer to where you want to be.
Do you see the difference? You can compare yourself and beat yourself up, or you can study them and use the information in an empowering way. Which one feels better? It’s like seeing a beautiful meal on a plate and being jealous and resentful that you don’t know how to make it, versus seeing a beautiful meal on a plate and asking the chef what they did to create it. Once you have that information, instead of being jealous, you can go try to make it yourself. You may need to try a couple of times, however, each time you will be closer to creating the meal you desire. Do you see the difference?
The goal is to identify how you would need to show up in the world to achieve the thing you are wanting to achieve. Would you need to get up a little earlier? Would you need to go to bed a little earlier? Would you need to say no to some things that you are currently saying yes to (activities with others, television, scrolling social media, certain foods, etc.)? Would you need to spend more time with people who inspire and motivate you? Would you need to spend less time with people who do not support your goals? Would you need to get emotional support or an accountability partner to help keep you on track?
In addition to identifying how you would need to show up, identify how you would need to think. What would you need to think about what is possible? What would you need to think about what you are capable of? What would you need to think about your worthiness of having the thing(s) you want? What would you need to think about how much you will allow those who don’t support you influence you moving forward?
If there is someone you know (in person or someone you see online) who has something you want, ask yourself what you can learn from them and then get a piece of paper or journal and write out your responses to the questions above. Be as thoughtful and detailed as possible. After answering the questions, read back through them and allow the information to really sink in. Then, take a few moments and review it daily while trying to act in accordance with what you wrote down. Over time it will become easier and easier, and you will embrace more and more of the qualities required to achieve the thing you are wanting to achieve.
Moving away from envy and feeling “less than” and moving towards studying someone and feeling inspired and empowered by them will change your life. You will feel better, you will act differently, and you will start to believe that you have more control in creating the life you want for yourself.
Live your best boss lady life.
Karen Vincent Solutions