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Do Not Give Up On Yourself.

Dec 21, 2020

Are you someone who keeps telling yourself that you want to do something, yet you never actually get to it? I think we have all been there at some point…some of us more than others! If this is you, you are not alone. I am going to examine why I believe this happens and then give you some strategies to help you break this cycle.


For many of us, we say it is because we don’t have time, that we are waiting for the “right time”, or that we will get to it “someday”.  The reality is that we do have time if we make our goal a priority. The reality is that there will never be a “right time”. The reality is that “someday” often means never. The reason we keep putting things off is a mindset issue, more than anything else.


What I mean by this is that we are unconsciously not making certain things a priority, even though we say and believe that we really want to achieve them. Why? Usually, it is because unconsciously our brain is trying to protect us. If we are trying to do something new, challenging, hard, or that brings uncertainty, our brain will try to talk us out of it in an effort to keep us safe. Doesn’t that sound strange? Our brain tries to talk us out of something that we want to do. It’s job is to keep us “safe” and that is what it thinks it is doing, even thought it is actually holding us back.


Here is an example. When I was trying to get back into a regular exercise routine, I would tell myself that I really wanted it and that I was committed to making it happen. However, time and time again, I “didn’t have time”, or I told myself, “I’ll start next Monday”. Can you relate? After doing a lot of internal work, I realized that the real issue was that I would tell myself that I was going to go workout for forty-five minutes so that I could get good results as quickly as possible, however, the thought of going from no exercise to forth-five minutes felt completely overwhelming. To start working out for forty-five minutes when I had not been working out at all was going to be hard and uncomfortable. In an effort to “protect” me from feeling these negative feelings, my brain would find ways to avoid doing it.


This can apply to so many situations. We tell ourselves that we need to put the needs of others before our own, that we will start just as soon as something else finishes, or that we will wait for a better time to start something. After doing a lot of work myself, I realized that the time to start is NOW. When I finally started exercising again, it was on a Tuesday. It was on a week where I told myself I was going to start on Monday and then I did not. I finally made the decision that I was not going to wait another week and that I was going to just do something the very next day. And I did. And I did the following day. And I did the day after that…and the next day…and the next. I just kept going and I am going to share with you how I made this happen. As I mentioned, you can apply this process to any goal you are trying to achieve.


Strategies to prevent you from giving up on yourself.


  • Decide. Decide what it is you want to do and pick a date to start. Unless it really does require some significant prep work, I encourage you to pick a date within the next seventy-two hours to start.


  • Write down WHY you want to do this. Write as much as you can about this and be really clear.


  • Don’t change your start date. No matter what, don’t change the date.


  • Start small. For me with exercise, my goal on that Tuesday was to walk on my treadmill for five minutes. Yup…5 minutes. I knew that my brain would not freak out at the thought of walking on the treadmill for five minutes…and it didn’t. The goal is to start with something that you are certain you can do with a fair amount of ease.


  • Congratulate yourself. When you do the thing you say you were going to do, congratulate yourself and give yourself credit for keeping your commitment to yourself. While you are working towards a goal, you are also working towards creating a habit where you keep your commitments to yourself and stop giving up on yourself.


  • Slowly up the ante. As you start to make progress on your goal, start to play a bit of a bigger game. Depending on what you are working towards, slowly increase the time you spend, the effort you put in, etc. Remember that goal to increasing slowing is to help prevent your brain from freaking out by thinking that you are trying to do something that is really uncomfortable. If you try to do too much at once, your brain is more likely to try to get you to quit on yourself.


  • Learn to honor the discomfort. When you do notice yourself feeling uncomfortable or overwhelmed, embrace it. Change your mindset from having negative thoughts about this to seeing this as positive thing. It means you are evolving, growing, and becoming a better version of yourself. It means that you are really starting to think and believe that you are worth it…and you are!


This process can be applied over and over as you try to accomplish new things in your life. There will always be other things competing for your time and attention, however, in order to be the best you can be, you cannot keep giving up on yourself. You’ve got this!


If you want to fast track your success with this, consider coaching with me. As a licensed mental health therapist and a certified life coach, I work with clients to help them learn to manage their mindset even faster. I help them learn to set goals, create positive habits, and achieve goals that are bigger than they could have imagined when they start coaching with me. My only goal with my clients is to get them the results they want in their lives and to help them see that they can have even more than they initially dreamed of.  You can check out my website, my free resources, and my coaching packages HERE!


Live your best boss lady life!

~ Karen

Karen Vincent Solutions

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